How to Ignite Your Inner Lynch


Seek out new experiences. Conceal yourself in a closet and spy on yourself held captive at knifepoint.

Practise curiosity. Answer questions with questions before being etherised. When you come round, speak backwards in cryptic code.

Keep a journal. Flesh out your ideas by feeding them nightly with a teaspoon of crushed scorpion.

Tell stories. Two-tongue Johnnie. The lady in the radiator. The girl who set fire to dust. 

Visit an art gallery or museum and stare at the art. Change your perspective. Step back. Stand close. Step inside and taste the paint. Blue like mildew, yellow like candy corn, black acrid as a coal-tarred cabin set alight.

Take your handheld video camera and walk around your neighborhood. Capture what you see. Lawn sprinkler. Barking dog. Trellis of blue roses. A pick-up truck with blood-splattered fender.

Replenish your inner creative well with a firehose of golden crystals.

Focus your mind on one thing that absorbs your thinking. Try martial arts or breed talking rabbits.

Gardening is a good activity to foster creativity. Plant and water a grandmother from seed and watch her grow.

Let your thoughts float like doughnut rings across a coffee table sky.

Flamethrowing and arson can spark your imagination. Exercise can release endorphins. 

Rest. Get plenty of sleep and allow yourself to drift into a hyper Hollywood terrarium.    

Find quiet time. Transcendental meditation twice a day for forty years will calm your mind and encourage deep thinking.