of Malbec, takes a hefty swig and grabs the remote. This week on Marco Takes Miami, gorgeous Marco will find out the truth about Cecilia’s age. And then what? Linda contemplates Cecilia’s fate once Marco discovers she’s approaching the big 5-0. Decides to watch the end of last week’s episode again. Push off this week’s until tomorrow. 

Fast-forwarding, she scans for the couple to exit smoky Club Coconuts into the deserted alley, and…yes. There. She presses play as Marco pulls Cecilia against a whitewashed wall. The throb of “Despacito” pulses from inside the club as Marco whispers into Cecilia’s ear, pushes her tangerine minidress up, slides his fingers through her wild curls as he kisses her—and now Linda is Cecilia, a rush of heat between her thighs as she imagines Marco’s hands sliding down her hips, the thrust and groan as he enters her. 

In real life, this could never happen. I’m too old, too chunky, she thinks, then wrestles the thought until it taps out. Pauses the video. Rewinds. 

She slides her hand under the bedframe, gropes around for her hot pink Classic Rabbit (so Miami!) and some Astroglide, hidden too far back for anyone but Linda and some dust bunnies to know it’s there. She flicks the “on” button, selects the setting that falls somewhere between buzz and jackhammer. The rabbit’s ears wiggle, Groucho-Marx style. Linda titters. Catches a glimpse of her worn nightgown and pale, dimpled thighs. Slugs more wine. Takes her glasses off. Better. 

She starts the scene again, watching as the Malbec works its magic and the Rabbit’s buzz fades, drowned by thumping Latin music and the Miami heat and now Marco’s pulling her against the wall, kissing her, his hands in her hair and Cecilia’s caramel skin and pert nipples are her own and he’s sliding her dress up, and there. Just there. A tingly warmth is spreading like fire from the center of her belly down to her toes and…ohhh! she quivers, shaking as her body vibrates and hums. Flushed, she turns her head, catches her reflection in the antique mirror on the wall. 

And she sees herself. Linda. Lines radiating from her eyes, the rosy sheen of sweat on her cheeks a neon glow.